I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly.
Its hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep,
'Cause everything is never as it seems.


Currently hooked on two songs.
Both from my workplace. Down by Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne, although I keep calling him Sean Paul by mistake and hate Lil Wayne, and Fireflies by Owl City. I've been awfully indecisive today. I painted my nails pink, then removed it, and got purple on it. Then I removed it, and got blue halfway through, then removed it yet again and decided to just buff it. But, I feel weird with nude nails. Going to buy a new colour tomorrow if I have the money and opportunity. And I've been a bad slob today, doing nothing but wasting my life away on this new Kongregate RPG called Ge.ne.sis. It's the most annoying game ever but I still don't know why I'm addicted to it. It's like Elona Shooter, a stupid game but yet you can't seem to pry yourself away from that pathetic train-wrecked excuse for a game. ;_;

( Nonsense comeback! )

Oh, because baby, you're so crazy now,
Feels like I'm not the only one now.
And I can finally see the light,
Oh, there's a million stars tonight.


I haven't been posting, I know.
Thing is, I got myself a job. A boring job, but nevertheless, still a job. I work on alternate days in the Robinsons fair in Expo, hence the Expofair, promoting and selling Philips dect phones and digital photoframes, and Siemens dect phones. I don't even care for electronics but oh well. D; My one-weekend job under Imation in Epicentre@Suntec, which was yesterday and the day before. It's so sad, I love that job so much. I sold like thirty over iPods when I don't even have to promote Apple products, only Memorex, and the colleagues I worked with were very nice people, and I even had supper and a walk to the Singapore Flyer and the Esplanade from my workplace with one of them. Flyer looks so huge [ obviously ] up front!

I ain't going to go through all the details like I used to... I'm too lazy and sleepy to do so. Plus, it's raining! Anyway, thanks to Share-tan for inviting me to her chalet. That was my first time, and it was super fun! Only a few people went and those who went are generally the ones who do all the cooking and cleaning up. HAHA. Yay to us. Thanks girls, had so much fun. <3 Tomorrow, national examination and work after that. I hate my Expo job. :/

'Never allow someone to be your priority
While allowing yourself to be their option'.

You'd like to think that you're the best part of me
But I confess, there is nothing left of you here.
These parallels and silly games,
Hide your face and say the name.


I like to stay in bed for hours after I wake up.
And I like to talk about everything to my besties, and I like telling people about random funny shit even though they don't know what I'm trying to tell them. I like painting my nails in happy colors and combing my hair excessively. I like my bread toasted, ketchup cold, cheese melted, chocolate semi-melted and cookies chewy. I like to laugh about nothing at all, and roll my eyes when someone says something lame. I like to hook arms and I can't be bothered if people are staring when I hug someone. I like to smile and I like to see people smile, and I keep very quiet when I'm angry at someone. I like to sing along to songs I listen to even though I know I can't, and I like to walk around and brush my teeth at the same time, even though the toothpaste falls from my mouth.

I love taking public transport and adore the smell of newly-furnished executive rooms and offices. I cry a lot but not in front of anyone, and I tend to stare at other pretty girls wondering and cursing why I look like me. I fall off my bed at times and bump into corners of tables and sometimes the school dustbins. I'm not quite sure how to blow my nose the right way, and I'm always rubbing my eyes. I spend a lot of money on Body Shop items. I like swimming and basketball even though I can't do both well, yet hate sports. I like to read and can spend an entire day with a book without any food, water or movement. I love ice cream with any form of alcohol in it, and I love cold, solid cheesecakes. I revel in the dry, burning sensation at the back of my throat after I down a shot of vodka, and I love coffee.

Whenever I have the chance, I can rant on and on and then realize the poor person at the receiving end and then apologize profusely. I love window-shopping and enjoy walking around town munching on small foods that I call 'portable food'. I hate peanut butter, margarine, mayonnaise and butter. I like peanuts. I often think really hard about what I would choose between Mars and Snickers, Flyleaf or Paramore, Lydia or Imogen Heap, Sunshine or Gardenia, blue or green and to eat or not to eat. I like people, and I always believe that the best relationships come from long friendships. I want to feel good about myself but I tried and can't. I'm not used to praises so I get edgy when I get them. I'm not one that cares about brands, and always looks at the price tag before deciding to try it on.

I always forget to breathe when I kiss, and I like eating whipped cream with my fingers, although I try not to. I love blowing kisses to my friends and then laugh at their reactions. I have my flaws as well; I always think I'm correct, even when it's obvious that I'm wrong. I am extremely stubborn and can be very rude when I get irritated. Sometimes I get cynical and I tend to be cold to somebody new when that person actually meant well. I do the things I want, and don't bother about others or anything else if I think its' not important. I'm always down on myself, and that annoys and depresses people around me most of the time. I love answering questions and love to teach people because I like talking. When I'm excited, I giggle a lot and hug the one closest to me.

And this is me, and I'm really sorry that you couldn't accept it. Friends -1.

Update, 1.05 PM. -

yarka says:
Night, yapzhenlinbluenailshotlikefirevryvryaznhotbluenoglasseswomanblue

Roy Åne~! says:
Goodnight, Tiffanysweetiecaptainofawesomeness~

HAHA. They make me laugh, always.

But over and over again,
I'll clean your wounds tonight
So we can rewind it all 'til I come inside.
I'll tear in two and never lie to you.


I miss those times.
When love letters were still in sincerity and existence, and 'I love you's were so sacred and so often unheard of that it was almost a miracle to utter it.  When courtship goes slow and steady, with hands brushing against each other, fleeting glances and secret smiles, taking more than just a few months before two get together as one. And last night, when I was waiting for the bus home, in front of me was a couple holding hands. To my left, two hugging each other. I turned behind - goddamn it - a couple just kissed. Even as I walk around Raffles City, this bestie of mine named Cleris was on the phone with her other half. Feels pretty alone.

Took solace in my music, and reached home at 10 PM-ish. Thanks for the wonderful day, Cleris and Val W! We went swimming yesterday, and both of them are really skinny, so they could flaunt everything that they want, wearing bikinis and running around alongside the pool. For me, I have to wear shorts below. HAHA. In attempt to boost my self-confidence, they stripped me off my shorts. Anyway, Cleris lent me her navy-blue tube dress, and I wore it around Orchard with them. My nails are blue now too, although I'm going to get Val to repaint them for me. Gwen, give me my phoneee! Anyway, I saw this Charles & Keith newly arrived bag and it's soooo gorgeous. It's again, so steep, about $60. I want that baby so badly. I can't find a picture of it though. ;_; I want Cleris's bag too, but in grey. ):

My wireless is being a retard again.
Chalet with fourfive, tomorrow Tuesday! -Excited. ;D


Update, 8.30 PM. -

In Retrospect, It Was Obviously Hell by Anchor & Braille is probably another song that couldn't be any more fitting. I love it, it's so disheartening and depressing.

Living in a world so cold,
Wasting away.
Living in a shell with no soul
Since you've gone away.


Oh my, today was wonderful!
I was walking to the train station, and saw the familiar long hair and starry-patterned bag, and ran to my beloved Suks and bumped into her on purpose. Teehee. We went to school together, and when we reached school, I felt like I haven't seen my classmates in such a long time. They said I looked different because of my tan. While waiting for assembly to begin, I was helping Chelsea with her speech. Then we went for assembly, etc, then I forgot what happened, then we had class partyyy! It was potluck kind of thing. Chelsea brought jelly, Huijie brought fried noodles and rice, Gwen brought sausages, Lavinia brought fried chicken, Hillary brought gummy, Val W brought fruits, Sara and Suks brought samosas and I can't remember everything. But I ate so much, I almost puked. Michelle and I had a 'jelly-eating competition' and I just swallowed the jelly down without biting and won. HAHA.

Then Hui Ying gave me my early birthday present. Thank you! <3 And Sara, being my secret pal, bought me some cute yellow plushie thing and a letter that touched me so much that I cried and she was hugging me like mad and telling everyone about how powerful her present was. I was Melina's secret pal, so I bought her nail polish! I hope you like the colour. I don't really know what you like! ): After that, the F&N girls had to go for some bakery course. I partnered Cleris, and everyone baked a cake!

Anddd. I'm glad you're quite happy for once, Yarka. ;D
Tomorrow, last day of school and progress report. I hope I don't get retained. And I already calculated my class position! Putting myself behind all the smart people like Share-tan, Charlotte, Huijie, Gwen, Melina, Riju, I'm at 18 / 21. Want to bet, anyone?

There is a part of me that always sees the easy way out.
If it doesn't hurt, then not another word.
You keep the reasons all but hidden, it feels like we will drown,
Do I hold on, when it's so far gone?


Tribute to men who stare.
So funny. Baby showed it to me. Anyway, I forgot to tell you about the things we bought yesterday. ;D Cleris bought these two hairbands with pretty little floral patterns. Gwen bought me the nail buffer block from Body Shop. Thanks Gwen! <3 And I bought this nail polish from Face Shop and it has this awesome bright blue-greenish colour. I almost impulse-bought this black sluttish dress from Cotton On as a stress-relief kind of thing. We went from Novena to Takashimaya to Ion, and now my feet hurts like mad. My right knee has this painful bruise on it, because I slammed it right against the wooden table sometime ago. I hate it when I do shit like that and cause myself dumb kinds of pain through my clumsiness.

And this annoying failboat called my sister keeps trying to see what I'm doing. Her bed is just behind me and she keeps looking at everything I do, reading my conversations with Roy and the blogs I visit on a daily basis and everything else. And when I walk out of the room, she follows me. And she talks like me now. I say stuff like,"That's quite funny" and she says it in the exact same tone and way and time as I do. I wear my PE shorts at home and she starts doing that too. I don't know if I should be honoured or irritated, because it is kind of irksome. I suppose that's how I'd react if I saw another me. HAHA.

My brother said Regina Spektor was better than Imogen Heap and he didn't like Imogen Heap. I said he's a retard. He laughed. Anyway, mum and I were watching this Korean drama serial called Kingdom of The Winds and it's an awesome show reflecting the rich history of Korea. Sometimes I think about how it would be like if Singapore made some historical drama series, and I imagine some random dude seeing a lion and going "GASP, MAJULAH SINGAPURA" or something. I'm sorry, but I don't even know what my national anthem's meaning is in English, although I know how to say the pledge in Chinese! A little.

ANYWAY. So these two good-looking men, Muhyul and Dojin [ I'm using the subtitles they provided and not according to dramawiki etc ] are in love with the same woman, Yeon and she's so pretty! But Muhyul was chosen as Crown Prince and has to marry the Biryeu princess, some cunning bitch, like a peace treaty deal kind of thing. Yeon is a Buryeo princess or whatever the fuck that is, and Muhyul and Yeon had their last meeting. Dojin happened to be standing around and saw them.
Mummo: Yeon, just go with Dojin! Muhyul's a useless guy.
Me: Screw Dojin.
Mummo: NO SAYING BAD WORDS!
Me: Screwdriver Dojin.
Mummo: Tsk.
First time mummo said something about my language at home. I called dad 'bitch, bastard, moron, loser, asshole, retard, dumbass, annoying piece of etc, childish prick' and she never said a thing! ;_;

Roy just told me about the Large Hadron Collider beneath Switzerland. I hope we don't die. It'll be activated around mid-November, and if it fucks up, Switzerland's going to be pulverized first by proton beams firing up to 3.5 trillion electron volts and the world will end, I think. But either way, they believe that a black hole will appear beneath Switzerland and suck up all of the world's energy or something, so either way we're fucked. 

I was playing on Kongregate and saw this Diner City game thing and read this comment:
sk83rb01  Levelbug16  Oct. 27, 2009
    this game is gayer than two men holding hands on a rainbow making out with unicorns and fairies flying around them while it rains flowers. but yet im still playing it. wow.

I thought it was funny. HAHA.
-Hungry.
Brother's meeting Kara, and I'm supposed to go down with him to see her. I bet she's pretty!

I've had enough.
You're selfish and sorry,
You'll never learn how to love
As your world disassembles.


Thanks Gwen and Cleris, you girls made my day.
I went to Gwen's house to shower, and then downed a glass of lime juice and went to meet Cleris. Then we walked around in Novena and Ion, and then we tried on clothes! I tried this yellow dress in Forever21 and it's actually a dress that isn't L or XL that fits. Hurray for miracles. I don't know if I should let my friends buy it for me or force my parents to buy it for me or even consider possessing it at all. But I really loveee it.


Update, 12.17 AM. -

I love him.

Are we just going to wait it out
And sit here cold?
We'll be long gone by then,
And lackluster.


I slept too much. -Headache.
Thanks Roy, againnn. I'm glad to have a friend like you. Anyway, this afternoon, I woke up and glanced at the clock before swearing beneath my breath. After my glass of orange juice and two slices of toast, I was alone at home, again. It feels kind of carefree, actually. I can blast my music on my dirt-quality pair of speakers without mummo yelling,"SHUT THAT EMO SCREAMO MUSIC" when Imogen Heap was playing. To her, everything that has drums, guitars or someone singing in a loud voice is considered 'emo screamo music'. Can you believe she actually said Chiodos's Intensity In Ten Cities is 'emo screamo music'? Okay, it is emo but it certainly wasn't screamo. Or whatever you want to call it. I consider myself quite open to all genres of music, but I just can't seem to appreciate some genres like 'viking metal'. ;_;

Anyway, I went swimming with Huijie yesterday. I used my common sense this time and decided to put sunblock on. Yay! I'm still quite tanned now and I hate it. ): School ends next Friday, and tomorrow's my national paper for English and if I don't ace it I will kill myself and even if I don't suicide, my parents will kill me, so I'll be dead in the end anyway. Lol. And, I'm thinking of getting a job during the holidays. I don't know, probably something in the F&B industry or some private work. I want the money to go shopping. And eat ice cream. And cheesecake. And probably buy that sound system I saw in HMV. So sexy. The casing is plastic, I think, and you can see the complexity of the subwoofer system in all its intricate details and it has this adorable rounded shape, and that's just the subwoofer.
Music becomes magic through that baby.

I've removed all the links because I realized that there really is a limit to the amount of links I can put unless I pay for my account. So, it's either all or nothing, so nothing it is because there can't be an all... ;_;
Listen to Firebrand Boy (Sabrepulse Remix) by Spring Republic. <3.

-Hungry.

Is there a chance, just a chance that you need me?
Or are we better off thinking that
In this dance, the romance is a secret?
But I'm not quite sure I believe it.


I feel very down on myself right now.

And when I do with one chance,
I just got to let you know,
I know what I did wasn't clever
But me and you, we're meant to be together.


Today was a lonely day.
I woke up, and mummo and sister went out, brother in school and dad at work. Did my usual routine, and lunch was already bought for me. Sat down and ate alone, then did the laundry, and finally did something that wasn't so lonely. I spoke to Yarka, telling him about how much the protagonist of Ghost Children reminded me of him, and it didn't help that the protagonist's name is Christopher too. When I was telling Yarka about the story, Yarka was like,"fuck greg" and then I told him about one part where Christopher really said,"Fuck Gregory" too. So funny. ;_;

Anyway, yesterday I went out to meet Shannen's friend. I didn't eat anything but two slices of toast, and got myself going on sugar-free mints. I came home to have dinner that was already bought from the hawker outside, but it had too much pepper that I hate, so I only ate a few spoonfuls before leaving the rest there. I hate pepper. ): Um, what else. I'm about to meet Huijie to study soon. My 'O' Level English is next Monday, and I'm amazingly nervous and I don't know what to do. And Jenn told Yarka to listen to this song and he made me listen to it now. I didn't like it at first, but the more I listened to it, the more I liked it, and now I'm hooked on it. Plus, Imogen Heap sings the chorus! What elseee. Oh, Roy got me hooked on LazyTown and I keep watching the youtube videos on them. I showed Andy because he was like,"whats up with u and lazytown???" And when he saw it, he said,"i'd tap that pink girl".

Okay, got to prepare to meet Huijie now! 


Update, 9.53 PM. -

For once,
Let’s leave the dreaming to someone else.
Our time has slipped away,
We’re sinking faster, faster no more play.


If my grandma sees me using the computer, I'm dead.
She forced me to join them for lunch and I was like NOOOOO and she was like,"Fine, but you better be studying!" And here I am. Anyway, I had a really horrible nightmare, and I woke up crying like a little wuss, and grabbed my phone to text my baby. When I read his reply, my breathing calmed and I stopped crying. Thanks baby.

Oh fuck grandma's home update later k thx k shit oh no k byeeeee
Update, 3.18 PM. -

Grandma bought me a shitload of food and now I'm bloated. ;_; Anyway, I laughed so hard at my grandpa. I was supposed to take the pictures when he blows the candle, which was only one candle because he's seventy and we're not about to cover the whole cake with fucking wax. So I was watching him through the camera, and he started to blow the single candle but the flame just wavered, until mummo shouted,"EH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Then he got the hint and blew really hard and the flame went off. Loool. I couldn't stop laughing. ;_;

Anyway, I was talking to Yarka as usual, and we now have a motto. It's no longer 'Sieg Heil', but it's 'WEELPWAH', derived from 'willpower'. That's because once, he wanted a new spark in his dormant love life, and once I said,"You got to have willpower!", this girl called Diana on his MSN said,"hey babe" at the same time. Even though Yarka hates her and I hate her too because she's a complete bitch, willpower has proved its wrath then. Now it did again! Warning: A lot of profanities and high levels of retardation.

( WEELPWAH! )

Wait It Out by Imogen Heap is so good, really. Dad still has no money. And he keeps saying that my computer is too slow and I ought to delete all my music, which takes up about almost 10 GB. Obviously, I defied him and said,"No."

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed-up side of me that I keep,
Locked inside of me so deep.
It always seems to get to me.


Boys don't like girls who think.
They like girls who abide. I had difficulty sleeping last night. 'Sleep, troubled girl, sleep', was what I kept chanting in my mind. I couldn't go to school today. I burned up and had to stay in the toilet for a good hour before I could crawl out and realized that I was late for school. Thanks Gwen, Huijie, Share-tan, Andy and Melina for your care and concern. You all made me feel better. And thanks to Yarka for making me laugh, especially his usual goodbyes.
Yarka: NICE TALKING TO YOU, YAPZHENLINWORLDEATERDEMONKILLINGELFFUCKINGGODOFTHENEWWORLDEVENTHOUGHI'MANATHEIST.

And of course, our daily conversations. Yarka stalks my livejournal too.
Yarka: IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!!!!!1
Me: -Silence.
Yarka: -more silence
Me: Oh...
Yarka: Yeh..
Me: :/
Yarka: :/
Yarka: Gues wat
Me: wat
Yarka: poop XD

And thanks Roy, for bearing with me. Anyway, I'm feeling a little down. And I'm horribly sleepy. -Resists. And I'm yearning for my baby. Anddd... My nose is red. -Sniff.

I wanted to forgive,
I’m trying to forget.
Don’t leave me here again,
I am with you forever in the end.


Ouch, I'm a tomato!
I went out early in the morning and went swimming like mad with Cleris and Val. After that, I went jogging around the park just outside my place. Although I didn't jog madly, I jogged under the mad sun. I went home feeling so tired and obviously red, and my parents decided to scold me. Like what the hell, they complain that I'm fat, so I go exercising and just because I come back red, they treat me this way. I don't know if it makes any sense to anyone, but it doesn't to me. Went to shower, shrouded my entire body in lotion and hope I don't start peeling and ending up looking like a fucking raisin.

I'm starving and I miss my baby badly. ):

Anyone can make what I have built
And better now,
Anyone can find the same white pills,
It takes my pain away.


Boys will never understand.
I had a tiny quarrel with Anub but he made me laugh again so it turned out alright. So, I'm fat. And I don't need you all to say,"No, you're not!" Because I know I am, I see my thighs and tummy and arms everyday and know the exact digits of my weight. I look at me and I look at Chelsea and I mentally fuck myself over. Know why I like wearing oversized t-shirts? Because I don't exactly have a figure for a tight tee to hug. The only place I can wear a bikini that fits is probably just my wrist, and the only reason why guys check my legs out is because they're too appalled by the dramatic jell-o effect my thighs give as I walk. When I take pictures, I suck in, and I keep a handy jacket with me just to cover up anything.

Swimming tomorrow. I'm going to have to do more than this. I'm going to have to stop sitting my fat ass here and get moving. I have to stop eating and stop drinking and start abstaining. Somebody lend me a basketball and shoot hoops with me please? ;_; And somebody punch me when I eat a cookie or drink a chocolate-related drink.

And, dad is a dumbfuck.

There's no conversation, words without remorse,
And this television drowns the only source.
Wake from these dreams of you in my arms
To the staircase where you hold my heart.


Different people handle others that they dislike differently.
For me, I avoid, because I know I can't keep my mouth shut if I'm really mad. However, I can never resist dropping hints of grudge here and there to that person, sugarcoated in a friendly tone. That doesn't make me a hyprocrite. Everybody has a tinge of hypocrisy in them anyway. It's not all that bad, I just see it as a form of protection to hide your torn upholstery from scrutiny and ridicule. Anyway, I almost fell asleep during math lesson today. At first the cold from the rain made me feel sleepy, then the sweltering heat that followed made me sleepy too. Stupid shit Geography and Rainbow Corn shit and shit. D;<

Still addicted to Pierce The Veil and Summer Tongues. ;_; I'm freezing here, mum loves blasting the air-conditioner. And I'm broke, with outstanding debts. qq. Talked to Melina, Roy, Quan, Lavinia [ cheer up! ): ] and of course, gorgeousbabykins. -Giggles. Speaking of which, when I was walking to the bus stop, I looked up to see a beautiful crescent moon, and was able to make out the faded twinkling stars. Then I thought of baby, and resisted the urge to text him in worry that he might be sleeping / busy. And Roy's Little My is just adorableee. I want one so badly! It's all fuzzy and warm and cute. ;-; ANYWAY. Screw this shit, I'll continue Geography tomorrow morning. ):

Sleepytime! <3.

I'll kiss you in London,
Love you in France.
Sunsets in Germany,
Spain we can slowdance.


After school was when all the fun began.
Anyway, I'll share with you this epic anecdote. After recess, I was walking up with my classmates, and I accidentally let out a burp. I hate burping because it's so friggin' disgusting, but it's the popcorn chicken thing's fault. So when it came out, I quickly covered my mouth and was like,"Oh my goddd, I'm so sorry that happened!" Then Gwen said something like,"Ah, she's forever like that, pregnant!", because pregnant women usually do that a lot because of the flatulence or something, I don't know. Then, my whole class was told by our Accounts teacher that breast milk is very nutritious and if you just put a drop of it on a pimple, the pimple will go away almost immediately.

So my classmates were laughing at me as we walked up the stairs back to class, and I was like,"If I was pregnant, I'd have breast milk to..." Before I carried on with my '... to clear pimples', I realized that my friends went from laughing loudly to stifled giggles, and thennn I knew why - Mr Singh walked past me and turned around, raising an eyebrow, then he said,"Uh, do you need a counselor?" I just smiled sheepishly, -facepalmed, and mentally kicked myself. When he left, my friends were roaring with laughter. Thanks a lot, girls. );<

A 45-minute bus ride to Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve [ SBWR ] was Chelsea and I singing The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script, competing with Cleris and Val W's singing of Don't Trust Me by 3oh3 at the back of the bus. But, the rest of fourfive ignored us, as always. Then we reached, ooo-ed and aaa-ed [ well, at least I did ] at every single thing that I saw. We saw squirrels, snails, mudskippers, monitor lizards, butterflies, huge red ants, kingfishers, fish, crabs and many other migratory birds. We also tasted salt crystals on mangrove leaves, identified the different types of mangrove roots, saw an island shrouded in snails and saw Malaysia from the pavillion. -Waves to Shaun.

A stolen cape around you.
I don't know who you think you'll save, dear
But if it would please you.
I could say that I am drowning here.


So, the security guard got fired.
Once I had the guts to tell mummo about the incidents, she raged, madly. Even Huijie, who was with me, was quite shocked. We drove to the management, and mummo began to raise her voice at the management woman person thing while Huijie and my sister waited outside. A police report was almost filed and I almost cried because I was a scaredy-cat. A lot of calls were made in a span of three minutes, to the Head of Management, Security Supervisor and so on and so forth, and he was escorted out by the supervisor and fired on the spot. I'm still a tad paranoid, and I still keep pausing and looking warily at the dark stair lobby whenever I enter or return to the lift lobby. I'm so dumb. I know, I'm soooo dumb. I didn't use my peanut-brain then. ;_;

Went swimming with Huijie at my place. Waited for the passing-cloud rain to subside before we dived in. I finally have the courage to swim and play a little at the deep end! Well, we tried somersaults underwater, and I can do one but Huijie can do two. She's so awesome, really. Then we showered and did some work before we got distracted by a meowing kitty. She was so tiny and had the brightest green eyes! We ran to get some bread and because the little creature was too cynical to approach us, I just tossed the pieces of bread all around her and went 'aww' when she started sniffing at it and then gobbled it up hungrily. So yes Huijie, thanks for being with me earlier on today!

Tomorrow, we're going to Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve. Sounds boring, but I hope it'll be fun.
Sorry, Roy. :/


Update, 9.56 PM. -

Sick. Sick sick sick of feeling like dirt all the time. But who really cares?

We'll drive
Until the love that's in your eyes
Drops to the ground,
Unravels like a thread.


I slept only fitfully.
I'm chatting with Alvin, Sunny and Yarka, and they're so funny. ;_; It's sweltering today, and I'm feeling under the weather. I'm hungry too. Anyway, I'll update later. Nothing much happened yet. Showertime!

tiffany says:
So.. I saw a cockroach yesterday.

yarka says:
I saw a cock but not a roach


Update, 5.33 PM. -

I kind of forgot that there was a pile of weekend schoolwork that I didn't do, so I got to do it after this. So lately I've been feeling horrible about myself and my appearance and weight, and I finally stopped living in denial that the problem is not just about diet. I've kept myself to strict diets for more than a year already, and I did slim down by a kilogram or something, and now I know I have to get off my lazy ass and exercise. I did keep to a regular jogging routine for two weeks, then I stopped because of examinations and sicknesses, but now that I'm relatively fine, I need to go back to that.

I did swim yesterday, a lot, but obviously that's not enough. I've to work out everyday, even if it means feeling awfully drained all day and coming home later than usual. I'm going to work out so much that I don't get mean nicknames anymore, and I'd be as slim as.. Leah Dizon.

I don't even care, about the way I feel today
Because it changes anyway.
Something will make me cry or smile,
Another picture on my pile.


Thanks for making my day better, girls.
I swam a lot under the sun after the rain subsided, and now my face and skin is a little red and hot. I look so healthy now. Then Val W left to meet another guy, Cleris left with her boyfriend, and Huijie decided to drag me along to buy her grandma's birthday present at J8. We went to eat first because I was famished. Then I had frozen peach yogurt <3 and followed Huijie into the supermarket. Halfway her mummy called and said there was no need for a present, so in the end we just walked around, saw Charlotte, continued walking around and then I went home. When I was just about to enter the lift, the security guard who is known for being very polite and saying 'hi' to everyone around the estate came out from the stair lobby and motioned me over. I didn't think it was anything bad before I entered the darkness and saw two chairs, and he told me to sit down. And I don't want to talk about the rest.

And, to Jon, who always wanted his name on my livejournal, here you go:
Jon, I think you're a conniving, condescending, supercilious piece of shit. And I deeply apologize for the sorry fact that you have no one to fall in love with or nobody to fall in love with you to be able to understand how I really feel about someone. And no, I do not cry about the same thing everyday, and I do indeed have a life, so don't tell me to get one. At least, I have more of a life than you do. At least I don't fail so hard just working at a fast-food joint. At least I can speak decent English and not swear in public, at least I act like my age most of the time, and at least I respect the feelings of others and not act like a complete fuck-up.

I feel sorry for you, and I pity you. I look down on you. I hope you repeat another year, and I hope you fail so hard that you're searching the floor for shillings, because I once cared for you but now I'm sick of you and your immaturity. You're a failure, and you're a screw-up. You're a lazy sack of shit and you're a complacent, ignorant, unintelligent Cpt I-think-I-know-shit-but-I-don't asshole. So fuck off. If you have something to say, grow some balls and tell it to me in the face. Don't go talking behind my back to Yarka.

Closing your eyes to disappear,
You pray your dreams will leave you here.
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there.


Too tired to care anymore.
School again today. We did some boring survey. I'm so not in the mood to post. I feel fat. I had a chocolate-banana smoothie and two chocolate-chip cupcakes mummo made today. Tomorrow, swimming with Huijie, Cleris and Val. I'm swimming with all the skinny people, that's a real boost to my self-esteem, but I love them anyway. So... Update later.


Update, 10.40 PM. -

So how did we become this way?
I spoke to Suks, and I cried. I don't know how we became this way. To watch the class be so united and then to watch it break apart - sometimes I wonder if it was something I did or didn't do for the class to be this way. All this while Suks and I, hand in hand, did everything we could for all of you, trying to help everyone be part of this class, but now that shit happened, did all our efforts go to waste? 

Okay, hate me. It shouldn't be too hard for some of you because you're already hating someone that is actually possibly kinder and nicer than I am. Hate me for being harsh or unreasonable, but don't hate a nice person. Don't make her an outcast. She's our fucking classmate, for fucks' sakes. She's a fourfivian, a human, with feelings, like all of us. I don't want any explanations, justifications, excuses.

Make an effort, at least? Please do try? Because we're not going to have another heart-to-heart talk like how we did. It worked for awhile, then now we're back to how we were, no, worse still, and I don't see how it's going to work now if it didn't work then. It's not just about talking or crying it out. It's about reaching out and touching lives, helping and caring. Aren't we fourfive?